There are many theories and approaches to making up after a fight. Here are a few:
Having occasional fights with your girlfriend is normal and a part of growing process as a couple. It’s definitely unavoidable. Besides, you’re two very different individuals with different backgrounds, values and beliefs and it’s alright to clash from time to time. Having problems in a relationship can be healthy. It prepares the two of you to become stronger to bigger and more serious problems in the future. But how do you actually make up with your girlfriend after a fight? Here are a few sweet tips you can consider.
* Let her talk or whine to her heart’s content. But don’t just nod and pretend you’re listening. Listen. You don’t have to retaliate with her every sentence although that can be tempting. Don’t act too defensive. Let her blurt out all that negative stuff off her chest. When she’s done, you can proceed with your speech. It’s all about compromise.
* Apologize sincerely. Settle the issue, face the problem but never ever try to accuse. Talk when you both have cooled your heads and never scream at each other, it’s not going to take you anywhere. Say sorry sincerely and make it count by setting up a few promises. And not break them this time.
* Kiss, cuddle and whisper sweet nothings. This could lead to sex but heck, nothing beats make-up sex so to speak. However, you must talk things over first. Sex is sweeter when you’ve realized your mistakes and you want to be better. Hold on to each other all night as if telling yourselves that yeah, you screwed up, had a fight but are still in love to each other like hell. Intimacy always makes life more exciting and worth living. So let it show. Let it flow.
Nothing is as hard as making up after a fight. Emotions are high, anger is thick in the air and words have been exchanged that can”??t be taken back. It’s very difficult to come up with the right words to get things back in order. The good news is you still have a chance to make up after a fight. Here are some tips on how to make up after a fight.
1.Before entertaining the conversation to reconcile after a fight; give yourself a time out to cool down and collect your thoughts at least 20-30 minutes max. You don”??t want too much time away; this leaves time for hurt feelings and anger to brew.
2.Make sure when you do make up, you release all your feelings and allow your lover to do the same. This is your time to work out your problems so laying everything out on the table is better than holding things in.
3.Accept your part of the blame for the fight. No one can fight with themselves and when you”??re in a relationship you have to accept what your short comings account for.
4.Don”??t try to put the blame on her or point the finger. Avoid tit for tat this only causing the fight to escalate and doesn”??t resolve the issue of the fight in the first place.
5.Have respect for your lovers feeling and be willing to hear them out completely. Most often that could be the source of the fight.
Start off by saying you’re sorry. You cannot move past the fight and heal if nothing has been resolved. I’m sure mean things were said, that you want to apologize for. Holding on to your angry, or holding a grudge will just make you ill and feel stressed, let it go.
#Step 2
Okay I admit, I mostly fight with my significant other. In all the years we’ve been together, he’s the one that apologizes first. Me, I need time to go for a walk, stew a little, and than I’m ready to make up. Sometimes I admit I need a few days…but in the end we make up.
Step 3
Not all fights get resolved. I find a lot of them is the same stuff coming up and up again. Or stuff from the past being thrown in my face, sometimes you just need to let go and let it just wash off you. I’ve learnt to keep my cool for the most part and realize that my partner is upset for some reason. Once he’s said what he needed to say, he feels better and we can move on. An important thing to remember is, usually one person is extremely angry, so it’s not a good time to further enrage this person. Keep your thoughts to yourself, and talk to him/her once he/she is calmer. You will get nothing resolved if you are just shouting at each other.
Step 4
Sometimes my mother and I get into fights. And she doesn’t apologize. I usually just bite the bullet and call her and we pretend nothing happened. You need to recognize who the person is you’re fighting with and if they are mature or not. Immature people will not make it easy to make up with them. Mature people will take the high road and say they are sorry, immature people not so much. You need to decide how much this person means to you, and whether or not you want to make up with them. Sometimes it’s easier to just cut your losses.
Step 5
My last step, if you are angry with your spouse, never go to bed angry. This is great advice. Think of it as the last time you might see that person, do you really want to leave it on those terms? Whatever you’re fighting about can’t be that important, say you’re sorry and than talk when you are both calmer. And remember things are said in the heat of the moment that aren’t really meant, don’t get stuck on these things…and don’t relive or harp on arguements, just let it go.
Relationships have their ups and downs, that’s just the way it is. There are going to be fights, it’s even healthy sometimes to have a few conflicts. However, in order to keep these little spats from causing any real damage, it’s really important to know how to make up after a fight. Luckily, there are several different ways of accomplishing this.
Right after you get into a fight, your first impulse could very well be to run off and cool down before you work things out. That’s fine, it’s normal to feel that way…but you do NOT want to actually do it. Running away and avoiding the issue is only going to make things worse, dragging the fight out and keeping both of you resentful and angry. I mean, a little cooldown is fine, but don’t take any more than a max of 20 minutes to get yourself in order. It’s pretty important that things are dealt with promptly, you just need to be a little more level-headed.
And even if you’re really angry with the one you love, always remember that you do love him or her…too many relationships have taken a turn for the worse because the fights that are a normal part of any relationship left one or the other feeling like the love between them had been lost. It’s essential that both of you remember what brought you together and why you love each other, even if you don’t particularly like each other at the moment.
Make sure you don’t hold anything back when you’re discussing the problems…don’t be bitter or purposefully hurtful, but make sure your feelings are gotten across to your partner. Holding back will just make it harder to really fix whatever’s wrong, and when nothing gets better you two will just grow further apart. And don’t take all the spotlight, listen to what your partner has to say as well. Relationships go both ways, and if either of you is still unsatisfied with how things are going, it’s just going to get worse. Be calm, be reasonable…if you don’t put forth that effort, nothing will get fixed.
And never forget that you share the blame. It does take two people to fight about something, and chances are very good that as much as you’re mad at your partner, he or she is probably mad at you as well. Nobody is clear of blame here, and it all needs to be addressed if there’s going to be any healing going on. Talk with him or her, and work out a way to solve your problems, usually through some sort of compromise. A fight doesn’t end when somebody “wins,” only when a peace is achieved.
Remember, don’t target your partner as the cause of your troubles…bring out what really is causing the problems and get it taken care of. Once both of you have settled down and understood one another and what made you two fight in the first place, you’d be surprised at how truly sorry you’ll both be about hurting each other. Talking things out is the healthiest way to really solve your problems, and it usually leads to a heartfelt mutual apology and an even stronger bond between you.
Never forget that a relationship is between two people, and yours aren’t the only feelings that matter. There will be just as much conflict if you hurt your partner’s feelings as if yours are the ones who get hurt. Never let anything make you forget how much you love each other, and don’t let petty squabbles fester and boil until you doubt whether or not it’s worth the effort to maintain the relationship. More great couples have been ruined by the simple fights of life, and even serious problems can be worked out if you take on a mature manner and deal with them as soon as they come up.
How To Make Up After A Fight
The ability to make up after a fight is extremely important in maintaining a relationship. There are many different ways of making up after a fight.
After a fight, avoid running away and not talking about the issue at hand. This will only prolong the fight and any negative feelings you may hold. If you really feel that you need some time to think, take a short period of time (no more than twenty minutes) to gather our thoughts and calm down before discussing the issue in detail.
If it is possible, try to send some sort of signal that despite being mad with your partner, you still love them. It is important to remember that even though you are mad with them you do still love them and it is important for them to know this too.
As soon as possible, discuss the issue that you are fighting about. Remember to try and see it from both points of view. It is also important to keep in mind that your anger may be distorting the issue and making it seem larger than it really is.
Be sure to discuss your feelings and expectations in full; if you hold anything back, this will only result in the inability to fully resolve the issue and will only leave you feeling bitter and angry at your partner. Be sure that you allow them time and space in which to tell you everything that is bothering them. Try to stay calm and rationale during this point in time.
Accept that you are partly responsible for the fight occurring (remember, it takes two to tango) and discuss ways in which you can fix the issue that is causing the fight. The most important part in getting over an issue is to find a way of compromising- something that must often be done when one is in a relationship.
Focusing on what is making you angry will allow you to resolve the issues that are causing you and your partner to fight. After you have resolved or found some form of compromise for these issues, you will then be able to apologize to your significant other. Apologize after you have worked through these issues, as opposed to apologizing during your discussions. This will allow you to effectively concentrate on their feelings, as you have already dealt with your own.
Remember, in any relationship there are two people, your feelings are not the only feelings to be aware of. It is important to work through issues as soon as they arise, so as not to let the sit and fester, thus ruining the relationship.
Every relationship needs time and effort to work. However, sometimes, we will always run into a situation where there are bound to be fights, quarrels or disagreements. It’s a fact of a relationship, just like how we eat and drink in life. There are many vices in life, and making up after a fight is one of those. However, what is more important when going through such a period is the easiest way how to make up after a fight. At the end of the day, it won’t matter how many fights or quarrels a couple gets into. The key to the survivability of the couple would be how to make up after a fight.
So how to make up after a fight? Well, the first and most important step is to not find out who is wrong or who is right. The first most important step is to humble down and say “I’m sorry, I screwed up”. To be honest, in a middle of a fight in a relationship, there is NO WAY rationality can actually overcome emotions. No matter how rational the guy or girl is, when it comes to a fight, it gets personal and emotional. By saying sorry, it’s the first most important step to making up after a fight.
Why is this so? Well, let’s get an analogy going here. Imagine anger is a huge fire. When fighting, you are putting in your angry emotions into it as well, to see who’s right or wrong. Isn’t this adding more fire to the already burning fire? How to make up after a fight, if what you do is make it worse? Saying “Sorry I screwed up,” calms things down between the couple. It’s assimilated to pouring cold water over a blazing heat. Wouldn’t that cool things down and allow for a discussion?
The key here is to not be overwhelmed by the need to defend oneself in a fight. It is to understand the feelings and emotions at play here. To be honest, this is the one most valuable tip on how to make up after a fight. For many more tips on how to make up after a fight, there are many other products online too.
There are also many advices that one can get, especially online. This is apparent from all the dating gurus on making up after a fight programmes. Nonetheless, the ones you should be looking for should be one that mirrors your relationship a lot. For example, if you’re in a relationship with an way is for trial and error.
However, I’m not saying you should try every single programme out there. You’ll get a huge hole in your wallet if you do. The best way is to dissect the information and see what fits into your relationship the most. After all, only you would know your partner well enough to know which easiest way how to make up after a fight programme suits you best.
Some “deeper” info:
1. Look underneath the argument. There’s a saying, “You’re never fighting for the reason you think”. It may look like you’re fighting about money, sex, or someone who’s moving in on your guy, but there’s usually some feeling underneath that hasn’t been expressed fully.
2. Communicate what’s most true for you in one sentence. Letting your partner know “I feel scared when I see you talking to other guys.” or “I feel angry I don’t have the money to pay for this right now” allows you to get to the core issue and often helps them to understand where you’re at without arguing about it.
3. Take Response-Ability. Did you snap at your partner? Are you trying to control the outcome? Is it easier to get what you want by manipulating the situation rather than asking for it? We all do these things to one degree or another. If you can find a way to own up to your part in the argument, without trying to blame or wrong yourself or your partner for it, it may just open up a whole new dialog.
4. Let go of being “RIGHT”. Wanting to be right in an argument is the surest way to keep it going. People will argue about who’s right and who’s wrong for years if they don’t decide to do something else with their energy. It’s a no-win situation and keeps you from truly connecting with your partner.
5. Learn from the argument. Is this argument much like others that you’ve had in the past? If you keep repeating the same arguments, it’s because there’s some learning that hasn’t taken place yet, or some way in which you keep these issues going without realizing it. What might this issue that you’ve been arguing about have to teach you? Usually there is a lesson about boundaries, owning power, creative expression, and taking action that can be learned from arguments. If you face what you’ve been fighting about, you can often uncover the golden nugget of learning for yourself.
6. Let your partner learn in her own way, at her own pace. You can only control yourself, and your own pace of learning. If your partner isn’t getting it, you can’t force them to see what this issue might be about for them. You can only see what it’s about for you. There’s information in any argument for both of you, but you can only take care of yourself.
7. Appreciate your partner. Successful relationships have a five to one ratio of appreciations to criticisms. After an argument is a great time to re-balance your relationship by noticing and expressing lots of things that you really like about your partner and yourself.
8. Make new agreements. If your argument has been a nasty one, you may want to make an agreement with your partner about how you choose to be in relationship with one another. For example “I agree not to call you nasty names.” Or “I’d like for us to agree that we talk about what’s going on with out yelling at each other.”
